"So how much were you drinking?"


What a lot of people don’t realize is that, at the end of my drinking, I wasn’t really consuming that much. It was usually between 1-3 glasses of wine at night, with an occasional binge. Sure, this isn’t recommended any doctors but a lot of people are doing it. The thing that scared me more than my typical nightly wine intake was this propensity to lose control and that didn’t take much at the end. I never knew when these nights would occur but when they did, it was like someone else took over my brain and body and I just observed from above. I would see myself finish a bottle of wine, get fuzzy, have an anxiety episode, take a Xanax and then pass out. Most nights my drinking was more “controlled” but the fact that I couldn’t seem to predict when it would go off the rails really scared me. Eventually any amount of alcohol made me feel badly. I now know I that addiction had taken its toll on my brain and it required more dopamine than I had available to experience any sort of high or euphoria from alcohol. So that’s what my drinking problem looked like: 1-3 glasses at night and an occasional binge. I know that’s what a lot of women’s alcohol intake looks like because I’ve had many of them reach out to me about their drinking, and it usually looks quite similar to how mine did. I say this to remind you, to remind myself that you don’t have to hit a rock bottom to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol or other substances or even quit. We are so quick to blame ourselves for not being able to manage alcohol in our lives when it’s an addictive, toxic substance! There is nothing wrong with you if you can no longer handle it and want to be done.